Every mum, when faced with a long drive with the kids, has dreamed of a teleportation device to deliver the whole family to its destination with minimum fuss. Imagine being able to get to where you’re going without the whinging, constant toilet breaks and travel sickness that invariably occurs during long car journeys with children!
Sadly, such an invention doesn’t yet exist, which means we know all too well about the challenges of travelling with children.
Here are 15 things we all know will happen on long journeys with the kids. Frankly, we think we deserve a medal …
The car will look like a skip
Crumpled sweet wrappers, discarded comics, snotty tissues … It’s the one time that our kids don’t have to use a bin, and man, do they make the most of it!
‘Are we nearly there yet?’ drives us round the twist
Seriously, we’ve only just passed the end of the road!
We’ll hit every single traffic jam and red light
Because what could be more fun than spending an hour in stationary traffic on the motorway with the kids bashing seven shades out of each other in the back of the
Sweets are a lifesaver
There’s a time and a place for sweets, and the family car on a long journey is it. What better way to stop our children whinging?
The kids will fight relentlessly
‘His foot is on my side!’ ‘She’s making stupid noises!’ ‘He LOOKED at me!’ We’re tempted to put up a soundproof screen between the front and back seats to save
We get blackmailed into buying service station tat
We only stopped for a wee, so how come we’re heading back to the car with new comics, a box of doughnuts, and a giant pillow shaped like a purple elephant?
Someone always needs a wee at the least convenient moment
Like when you’re in crawling traffic on the motorway and you’ve just passed the last services for 30 miles. It’s like having a ticking time bomb in the back of the car.
Someone always feels sick
It doesn’t matter how many travel sickness remedies or anti-nausea wristbands you foist on your child; they still go gradually green and start making ominous burping noises just when you’re in a place where you really can’t stop.
Car games get VERY tedious
Engaging the kids in a game of I Spy makes us feel all smug and proper-parenty – for about 10 minutes, or even less if they don’t yet know how to spell. You
applaud their knowledge of phonics, but how on earth are you supposed to guess ‘fence’ when they’ve told you it starts with ‘ph’?
Tablets are a godsend
How did we survive in the days before we could plug our kids into Peppa Pig on a loop on long journeys?
We’ll want to chuck their shoes out of the window
They may only have little feet, but the constant ‘thud, thud, thud’ on the back of our seat makes us fantasise about chopping their legs off.
We never leave the house on time
No matter how organised we thought we were, someone always decides they need a leisurely last-minute poo or discovers they’ve lost their shoes, just as we’re trying to bundle everyone into the car.
Thank goodness for the All-New Renault Scénic and Grand Scénic with their one-touch folding seats that make it easy to get everyone in and out.
We get out – and then have to go back again
Five miles up the road, we always realize we’ve forgotten to lock the back door or have left our child’s beloved blankie at home. And back we go again …
Getting the kids to sleep is parenting gold
They can’t bicker and whine when they’re sleeping, AND we get to listen to our choice of music on the car stereo rather than Gangnam Style on repeat: win!
We swear we’ll never do it again
But of course we will, because the journey might test the patience of a saint, but the memories we make when we’ve finally arrived make it all worthwhile. We think …