You spend all year looking forward to your family holiday. Only to realize your child’s idea of a good time is very different to yours …
While you’ve been dreaming of time to relax and a hit of local culture, your child has other ideas of how the family summer holiday is going to go. And you’re pretty sure that he’s going to win.
Here’s a tongue-in-cheek look at what your child really wants from his holiday – which is guaranteed to be completely different to you. Sorry.
You want: to eat out every night
You’re SO over your usual diet of sweaty sandwiches and batch casseroles. Mmm, on holiday you’re dreaming of lovely barbecues on the beach and trying out
all the local taverns.
Your child wants: ice cream
For every single meal. And don’t even think of putting a vegetable on his plate the entire time you’re away.
He’s getting his five-a-day, thank you very much, with the endless flavors of fruity ice cream he’s inhaling on an hourly basis.
You want: to explore the local markets
What’s the point of travelling all this way if you’re not even going to explore your local area, right? Plus, you’ve read about an amazing market that sells beautiful silk scarves.
Your child wants: to spend all his time in the swimming pool
There’s a water slide, inflatable pineapple and a deep end perfect for underwater handstands. If you think he’s leaving the pool even for a millisecond, you’re having a laugh.
You want: sunset cocktails
On the beach, with your partner smiling lovingly at you and your child soaking up the atmosphere. Ooh, this will be a PERFECT Instagram shot.
Your child wants: to be sick
Yep, that will be all the pool water he’s swallowed. Not that it’ll stop him going back in again tomorrow
You want: to lie-in
It’s hard work juggling work and family. Which is why you’ve been looking forward to some much-needed R&R this holiday. Ooh, you cannot wait to sleep in until 9 am. Bliss.
And surely all the fresh air will wear your child out so he’ll lie in as well, right?
Your child wants: to be up at 5 am. Every day
Lie-in? Ha, ha, ha.
No chance. Not when there’s a beach across the road and a day of making sandcastles ahead.
Your child will be waking you up at the crack of dawn throughout the holiday. (But you can guarantee that when it’s time for back to school, he’ll refuse to get up. Typical.)
You want: to lie in the sun
With a rainy forecast at home for most of the summer, you’re determined to soak up some rays on holiday.
Time for some sun lotion. Oh …
Your child wants: to avoid putting on sun lotion all week
What is it about children and sun lotion? Anyone would think you were trying to poison him, given the amount of screaming and wriggling when you try to cover
your child in sunscreen.
But without it, there’s no way he can be out in the sun. Which means you’ll have to go back to the room with him until he gives in. Gah.
You want: some quality time with your partner
Your hotel room has a balcony and you’ve been looking forward to spending the evenings sitting outside with your partner.
After most of the year slumped next to each other on the sofa with the telly on, some quality time chatting – over a bottle of wine or two – is just what you need.
Your child wants: to stay up till midnight
Nothing is going to persuade him to go to bed any earlier.
And in case you were hoping the flip side might be the lie-in, he won’t. Sorry.
You want: to avoid the nightmare loud couple
There’s always one on every holiday – the couple you do NOT want to mix with. They’re usually the ones hogging the sun loungers and getting stuck in to the pool
bar at 10 am.
Luckily you’ve managed to avoid them so far by hiding under your large straw hat. Until …
Your child wants: to be holiday BFFs with their child
Yep, out of everyone he could play with, it has to be the annoying couple’s child.
And now, not only have they dragged their loungers over to yours, they’re talking about having dinner together. Aagh, so much for a relaxing family holiday …